Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I've blown a few things in my day
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
