Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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