That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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