Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
