It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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