Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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