i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
