She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
