The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
