we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
