I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hippo gnu deer
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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