I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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