They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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