Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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