I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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