you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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