So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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