fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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