I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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