My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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