You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
