Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
