not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
