Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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