I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
