wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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