he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
