I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
