TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
