you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
