She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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