Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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