Cold hands, warm shart.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
