NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
