dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
