pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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