I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
