My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
