Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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