Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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