Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
