dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
