Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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