Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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