he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
