I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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