Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
