i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
