the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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