the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
