Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
