Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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