How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
