I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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