you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
